In Part 3: Rugged and Flexible Actions,
Brad teaches us how to develop self-efficacy by moving from the “rage pathway” {reacting} to the “seeking pathway” {responding} using:
The Four “P’s”:
Pause - label your emotions
Process - practice non-identification
Plan - self-distance and gain a greater perspective as you evaluate your options
Proceed - taking micro steps, treating each step as an experiment and adjusting as you go.
and “R.A.I.N”:
Recognize what is happening.
Allow life to be as it is.
Investigate your inner experience with kindness and curiosity.
Non-identification to the situation will help you see the answers to your dilemma clearly.
Overwhelmed by it all? Create a feeling of wonder (remember the fireflies).
Finally, in Chapter 6 “Making Meaning and Moving Forward” Brad encourages us to adopt a growth mindset, but understand that not everything has to be a growth experience. If you find yourself in an overwhelming, acute situation, focus on arriving at a place of stability first. Growth happens on its own schedule.
And, although our minds can sit in a belief that the pain will last for the foreseeable future, this is rarely the case. So, be compassionate and patient with yourself. Adopt helpful tools to aid the growth process. Eventually, resilience will arise where the pain once resided.
Remember to:
Surrender - accept that this is bigger than you. You are not in control. Ask for guidance from your higher power (whatever this means to you).
Ask for and receive help - First, absorb the change and adapt. Then, borrow resources to adapt. Finally, create a new normal. This creates resilience.
Voluntary simplicity - Prioritize what is important and drop the rest. Create routines and rituals to support what matters.
Practice fierce self-discipline, and fierce self-compassion - find the sweet spot between the two.
The process of growth is cumulative. One unfolding supports the next. The gifts you gained from your previous learnings will be there to help you face what’s next.
I hope you found this book useful to dive into the changes life is continually serving up and create joy and meaning from it all.
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